facade

she was a girl
the first one, broken perhaps,
scared her shards would cut me.
but what if i was willing to bleed?
bleed until my lungs gave out,
until my body paled,
until heaven felt like her arms.

she feared birds
wanted wings,
but trembled at the thought of flight.
a cautionary soul,
a warning disguised as warmth.

she put up a strong front, 

i knew her in every way, 

silly of me to confuse it with soul connection, 

still, i went on.
the word her frightened her,
but my mind was fogged
and the fog was her.
blinded, yet smiling,
because it was her.
what could go wrong?
everything could, and everything did.

the scale tipped to him 

between she and him
i stood at the door,
waited, quietly, patiently.
she was the root of my numbness.
heartless, selfish, cold
i heard it all, after,

but what if i was a man?
is that all it takes?

we were never built to last,
and we both knew
neither of us tried
but were the eyes false?
the gentle caress false?
the way you looked at me false?
was it all a façade?
a filler between stories?

eventually, one grows stronger.
it was never going to be us.
the fights, the tension, the screaming, the adrenaline
they outweighed the odds

and now i can stand,
strong enough and able,
accepting,
because there isn’t much else to do.

never a man,
always a façade.
a lesson.
an experience.
a wound that learned to stop bleeding.

-justjokes