faceless

My mind plays tricks on me
almost convincing, almost kind
but it never fails to fail me.
I was a fool to fall for its whispers,
for its touch, its lie.
It’s a drug I live for,
and die from.

“Use your five senses in trouble,” they say
simple rule of survival.
But my senses are senseless,
numbed by a pain with no root,
a pain that consumes
a pain I feel but cannot remember.

I remember the night, though.
The night I begged, 

pleaded,
screamed,
prayed with the core of me
Show me the light.
Let me out of the dark.

But God has a funny way with me.
He keeps me blind
to my own darkness.

I try to make sense of the ache
the ache that sits on my chest,
tightens like a noose,
a chokehold by a faceless form.

It screams inside my head,
echoes in my ears,
is heard by my soul.

It carves the empathy out of me.
But who do I feel for?
Myself,
or the screams?
Or am I the one screaming?

The chains jingle
trying to break.
The screams grow louder.
The choke almost wins.

Then it fades
into smoke.

Until it visits again,
uninvited,
unwelcome,
but immortal, 

an immortal in me
Always there,
in the back of my mind.
A part of me.

— justjokes